What do we do about burnout?
I’ve been pondering burnout for many years now. As I have written about before, in my late 30s I hit a wall in my life. I had all of the trappings of the life I thought I wanted. I had worked hard to get to where I was in my career, to have a family, to stay engaged in my community and to give of my time in ways that made me feel like I was making a difference on issues that mattered to me. But, I felt awful. I was burnt out. Grief accompanied my burnout - a sad longing for what I had hoped for. We are living through a moment in history where the people in power, the media, the corporations, and the addictive algorithms are hellbent on us staying burnout and defeated. The sped up nature of the world right now also creates an environment ripe for burnout. I do not pretend to have the answers about how to change society or the direction that our culture is headed. I do have lived experience of slowing down, prioritizing and practicing pleasure, and treating myself like I matter. Every day. I can say with certainty that it helps.
When I first embarked on changing my life and pointing it in the direction of how I wanted to feel rather than I wanted to accomplish and get done, I started making lots of lists. These lists included words like joy, creative flow, vulnerability, harmony. Words that embodied the feeling of a long sigh, letting go and softening my grip on productivity and “should.” I would look up the definition of words and search up synonyms until I found words that really captured the feeling I wanted. Eventually words like effervescent, uplifted, supported, rooted made their way onto my lists. I discovered that what I wanted more than anything was a feeling of having a interdependent network I could rely on and sink into, while also wanting to feel buoyant, strong and heart-led in my work and within my community. None of these feelings were possible in the contracted, disembodied, stressed out state of burnout. These lists gave me great insights into what I could do to move out of burnout.
What would be on your list if you started thinking about how you want to feel at work, at home, in your free time, and in your relationships? If you want to make your way out of burnout, knowing how you want to feel can guide you in the right direction. You may have to work through feelings of unworthiness or guilt or skepticism about actually being able to achieve your desired feelings in your day-to-day. (If you come up against this when you start tuning in and valuing how you want to feel, let’s talk! This particular issue is at the core of what many of my clients come to me needing support around.) Once you know how you want to feel, you can get to work sprinkling in the things, people, activities and practices that actually make you feel that way. It’s helpful to clear out the things that weigh you down, but often those things are harder to tackle at first.
I recommend starting small. If you change too many of your habits all at once you cannot sustain the changes. Add a couple things into your life every week that combat the burnout and treat them like they are non-negotiable. For me, it was exercise and home-cooked meals with friends. Exercise helped me feel strong and when I was done it gave me a feeling of lightness. It also did wonders for shedding stress. Seeing a friend every week fueled my desire to feel connected to a supportive network. Preparing food is a practice that is heart-led and creative, especially when done with others. Doing it every week was heart-led collaboration in action. By adding these two things into my life every week, I now had proof that I could achieve the feeling and quality of life I wanted. Not 24-7, but I was caring for myself, attending to my needs and I did not overcommit to change everything about my life.
Find the simple actions that embody your desired feelings. Do them consistently and with presence - no scrolling, no multi-tasking - and do them with intention. Our actions create our habits. Our habits create our reality. You can chip away at burnout by changing your habits.
Suggestions for simple habit changes and 10 min practices that can help you slow down and may shift your feelings of burnout:
Unplug: Take time every day that you are not on a screen or a device. Try setting times for checking email and social media. Preferably not right when you wake up or right before bed.
Set a bedtime: Good sleep goes a long way in how you feel in your day-to-day (especially if you’re over 40, like me!)
Hydrate: Try drinking half of your body weight in ounces of water every day. Like good sleep hygiene, hydration keeps you feeling better. Yes, you will have to pee constantly. It may be worth it!
Masturbate: Bonus points for taking a break in the middle of the day for masturbation. Self pleasure helps you feel embodied, empowered, and connected. I can’t say enough about the benefits of masturbating.
Get that Vitamin D: Step outside and get sunshine on your face for 5-10 minutes. Try it without sunglasses. Close your eyes and point your face towards the sun. Not only helps to break up your day and help you step away from the nonsense for a reset, it also helps reset your mood.
Sip tea: Instead of an afternoon coffee, try a low-caffeine or herbal tea. High quality teas are lovely to sip slowly. I like to smell tea before my first sip and notice the flavors. Imagine your first sip slowly making its way down your throat and nourishing your system. Ritualize tasting the tea and savoring it. It helps you to slow down. A very different vibe than infusing your day with more coffee.
Tap your forehead: In moments of stress or dysregulation tap or rub circles on your forehead to bring you into you decision-making, rational brain. I learned this trick when I had a toddler and found that her mood swings and tantrums sent me spiraling. I’ve used it since when I feel my executive function slip or the urge to disassociate.
Hunt for Glimmers: I’ve written about glimmers, the micro moments of joy that force a smile across your face and your spirit. Set an intention to find glimmers in your day. It helps you to notice and savor them when they show up.
Seek Out Beauty: Whether art or nature is your thing. Make time to be in the places where you find beauty and really take it in. Get a bird cam to watch the birds. Go to the free day at the museum. Re-read your favorite book of poetry. When our circumstances feel bleak we need to gaze at the horizon.
Set a Daily Intention: Try setting an intention aligned with the way you want to feel. De-prioritize tasks or anything that comes up that does not serve your intention. Try doing this 3 days a week for 3 weeks. Notice what shifts.
The short of it is… what you water grows. In a state of burnout, everything feels hard and there is bleakness or malaise all around. When you take action towards how you want to feel, things subtly shift and you start discovering those feelings in the most unexpected places. When all else fails slow down and take pauses throughout your day to reset and check in. It’s not easy when the world around us is sped up and the pervasive sense of urgency seems impossible to unplug from. Finding your peace is worth the effort.